Boredom, rather than misery, characterizes many unstable marriages. In these cases, infidelity is often the trigger that leads one partner to leave the union. In contrast, when couples stick together through difficult times, remain faithful to one another, and actively work to resolve problems, positive long-term outcomes while not guaranteed are common.
Our research shows that positive outcomes for couples in long-term marriages are the norm. Contrary to what many people think, marital quality does not inevitably decline—it tends to remain high or even improve over the decades. This knowledge should encourage most couples to look to the future with a degree of optimism.
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Marriages take work, commitment, and love, but they also need respect to be truly happy and successful. A marriage based on love and respect doesn't just happen. Both spouses have to do their part. Below are some important keys to work on each day to make your marriage successful.
Talking with your spouse is one of the best ways to keep your marriage healthy and successful. Be honest about what you're feeling, but be kind and respectful when you communicate. Part of good communication is being a good listener and taking the time to understand what it is your spouse wants and needs from you. Keep the lines of communication open by talking often, and not just about things like bills and the kids. Share your thoughts and feelings. Appreciate each other, your relationship, your family, and your lives together.
Show gratitude when your partner cooks dinner, helps the kids with their homework, or does the grocery shopping. It may help to take a few minutes each evening to tell each other at least one thing you appreciated that day. With work and family responsibilities, it can be easy to lose the romance factor. It takes both the asking for help and the helping to make a happy couple. No more simmering and stewing — speak up! Respect is the one thing that has the power to make or break your marriage because it underlies everything else you do, says Charlynn Ruan, Ph.
Does your husband want to start his own kite surfing business? Does your wife want to go to art school? Even if his or her goal doesn't seem important or realistic to you at first, supporting them in their hopes and dreams is key to a lasting relationship, Morin says.
No one is saying you should overlook major red flags like lying or sneaking around but when it comes to fortifying your marriage for the long haul, learning to turn a blind eye to the little things can really go a long way. If you can just look at each other and burst out laughing, that says great things about your relationship as a couple. Laughing together shows you're tuned in to the other person's signals, you understand what they enjoy, and you remember past fun experiences with them — all important for a tight bond.
Laughter suggests there is a good deal of positive emotion in the relationship and they tend to engage with each other in positive ways," says Mark Sharp , Ph. Blaming never helps the situation or your relationship — even if whatever has upset you really was your partner's fault. A marriage where you always get your way is So instead of sulking or arguing, long-term couples quickly learn the art of compromise, Cheng says.
It may not feel percent satisfying for either one of them, but it works. Helping each other through life's horrible but inescapable tragedies — a work layoff, a death in the family, a health crisis, a serious accident — forges strong relationship. Regardless of how their days have been or what they're going through, couples in love will still feel joy in seeing their partner.
This can be as simple as your partner smiling when you walk in. One of the most telltale signs that a couple has a rock-solid marriage is that each makes the other their number one priority. When both people do this it creates a relationship based on mutual service and respect, allowing them to work together as a team. Being present is not enough for your partner to know you love them. People feel loved in different ways and long-term couples understand each other's "love language. They don't wait for the big moments like an anniversary or surprise vacation.
Some may see a little flirting with people other than their partner as a silly game that boosts their ego—no harm, no foul, right? Not so, at least if you want your marriage to last, says Scott Carroll , M. When someone enjoys flirting with others outside the relationship it can lead to a myriad of bad things, like envy and jealousy, and potentially worse. This one may sound strange at first but there is a correlation between people having higher credit scores and longer-lasting relationships, Carroll says.
Good credit and habits like saving indicate that both people are good with money. Since financial troubles are one of the top causes of fights within marriage and even divorce, being on the same page with money can really strengthen your relationship, he explains.
Who hasn't said something that sounded great in their head but kind of crazy out loud? Still, a loving partner will listen and take you seriously, no matter how off-the-wall your idea may sound at first. Ideally, your partner is someone who isn't percent the same as you, but rather, someone who complements you in ways that help you grow by challenging your insecurities, doubts, and fears.
Criticism is toxic to a marriage, according to research from The Gottman Institute. The more someone criticizes their partner, especially if they aren't making an effort to express positive sentiments, the less likely the marriage is to last. Any two human beings together long enough are going to fight, but there's fighting that resolves the problem and then there's Real Housewives -level fighting.
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