Since then her mom has thwarted all attempts at a court ordered reunification and I haven't seen nor heard from her. I don't even know what she looks like right now.
Like I said, I didn't exactly walk away, but for all I know, that's the story my daughter is being fed. So, same difference. The next day, I moved across the country to report for military orders. I got a call, months later, saying she was pregnant. I did not believe her, but went for the birth anyway. There was a long C section for twins, everyone was healthy, and I still didn't believe they were mine.
The paternity test confirmed that the twins were mine. I started paying child support while living across the country. After a year, they were removed from her custody for endangerment and abuse and placed with her parents, who are good people. I transferred my payments to the new custodians and didn't make contact for years. Recently, I've visited them, made a few contacts, and made myself available for them to know, but am not pursuing any kind of 'fatherhood' for them, because I don't claim responsibility for them.
They have parents who have raised them and will continue to raise them. They call their grandparents mom and pop. I still provide support. But, since it started as her taking advantage of me and they have new legal guardians, I will not be stepping in as their permanent parent.
It's not the path I chose and, as long as they are safe and healthy, I don't think it's my responsibility. We liked each other. We did it on the first date. She got pregnant. I was young and she said she was on the pill I learned my lesson about pulling out unless I'm wearing protection. Then, we moved in together.
After a couple of months together, it was obvious we weren't going to make it, so we split amicably I thought and talked once or twice a week after. Well, she stopped letting me come to ultrasounds and doctors appointments. She didn't want me to come to the parenting class she was taking with her and, around the seven-month mark, she ceased all contact. Now, I knew when the due date was, so about a week before I started calling. Her phone was disconnected. I messaged on Facebook, I emailed, I messaged her little sister and even her little sister's boyfriend, all trying to get in contact with her.
Well, two weeks after the delivery, I got a call from her. She said that the day after she and I slept together I went away to Detroit to catch a football game that weekend she had one last romp with her ex and it was his. Obviously devastated, I got off the phone. But we stayed friends on Facebook and I watched this kid that should have been mine grow up. My mom asked me one day, about a year later, if I talked to her anymore, or knew anything about the kid, so I pulled up my ex Facebook profile and my mother and I were dumbfounded.
The child looked exactly like my mother and sister when they were the same age to a friggin' tee - same hair, smile, eyes, and chubby cheeks that every baby in my bloodline has. So, I went about trying to get back in contact with my ex. I messaged her on Facebook, called the old number, and emailed again. Her little sister had blocked me by this point, so I couldn't even get in contact with her. All I could do was send her a message on Facebook outlining my concerns and that I wanted a paternity test because the baby looked like my kin and I had to be sure.
I was raised big on family, so if I have progeny out there I want to be involved in their lives. Well, I didn't have to wait long for a reply.
It came the next day and went a little something like this; 'I don't care if you think the child is yours or not, I have a good thing going here she got back together with her ex and I don't want anyone coming in and ruining our family. She's happy and healthy, so please stay away. I didn't know what to do, I asked advice from my parents and friends, some said to leave it, others said to go after her and my best friend said I had dodged a bullet.
So I sat on it for another two years. So I messaged again, this time a little more forcefully, and told her I was demanding a paternity test. I sent pictures of my mom, sister, and myself as a baby as proof. I wanted to be involved in my child's life and I would take her to court if I had too. Her reply wasn't as cordial this time; 'If you try and break up my family, I will tell your daughter she basically admitted she was mine that the reason why mommy ran away from you is that you're a bad man who was in jail for touching little girls.
I'll tell her you used to hit me and that you hit the other children you have which I don't have any. I will totally ruin you in her eyes, so even if everything is settled after court, she'll NEVER want to see you again. I wasn't to be deterred. I wanted to forge ahead, so I went and talked to another lawyer, who confirmed everything that was said to me by my family friend and I didn't know what to do.
I just knew I wanted to be involved in my daughter's life. So, I went back on Facebook to talk to my ex about everything I had learned and she had either blocked me now or deleted her Facebook.
I drove out to where she lived and she had moved. She up and left with my child. I do not know where she went and, what was worse, I lost the only way of keeping track that my child was indeed safe and growing up healthy. As well, I'll admit, even though it's petty, I enjoyed seeing pictures of her shunning her 'father's' attention. She never looked happy in pictures with him, not like she was scared or anything, just indifferent to him. It might have been wishful thinking or seeing what I wanted to see.
But, it's the little things that get you through something like this. On the day I went to court to file my papers to get the ball rolling on getting involved in my daughter's life, my mother sat me down. I had kept her up to date on everything. My mother has always been there for me and been a very supportive mother. She looked at me and said: 'My son, do you remember the constant court battles with your father?
How you felt after we went to family court every time? How much you hated that man when you were growing up? My mother continued, 'Now, imagine you didn't know that man at all. He was a stranger to you, telling you that everything you knew in your life was a lie, that the man you knew and loved as a father wasn't your real father and this man your mother is scared of and loathes is trying to take you from your family.
Can you really say you love this little girl and want the best for her if you go and absolutely shatter the world that has been built for her? Selfishness is the problem. Everyone thinks oh this for me oh that for me. Never how that kids going to feel.. Selfish makes me sick. My ex husband, biological father, and maternal grandfather all abandoned their children. Their choices caused a great deal of unnecessary struggle and deep resentment with me, my mother, and grandmother.
They ALL got hit with some pretty bad Karma! Oh my God. Good lord. You should also condemn her for not using birth control. It takes two to conceive a child. Why do they do that? Some of it is more precious to a woman than gold. There are many laws in nature—one sad truth is that is it much easier for a man to abandon a child than it is for a woman. On the flip side of this coin single moms who have no contact with the biological male parent are extremely beautiful if they want to be.
Trying to date and find a new partner with an ex who is constantly popping in the picture would probably not work very well—so if the guy is completely gone it is honestly a blessing. If the guy disappeared altogether think of it as a blessing. Having no contact with the biological father is better than abuse.
I was recommended this website by means of my cousin. I am no longer certain whether or not this submit is written through him as nobody else know such particular approximately my trouble. Before you fall pregnant, firstly you must have full knowledge about the guy.
Some people lack maturity out there. He just chose to do so freely and we mothers have to carry on without them. Your email address will not be published. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. This copyrighted material may not be republished without express permission. The information presented here is for general educational purposes only. Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.
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Table of Contents. Why Parents Abandon. Explaining Abandonment. Loss of Parental Rights. Self-doubt can be a common denominator in cases where parents willfully abandon their children. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns?
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